I’m going to preface this post by saying that I’m not sure what I believe in. I don’t have any concrete evidence to support the existance of anything outside of this earth, and I’m pretty realistic about many things. But, I still don’t know. Anything’s possible I guess. So, I suppose if I had to give myself a “religious title” or “status” I’d be “agnostic.”
Okay, now that that’s out of the way onto the juicy stuff. If you’re like me and don’t really have a set set of beliefs, do you ever question yourself? Do you wonder why people believe what they do? And why you don’t? Ugh, religion confuses me.
Sorry I have been MIA, I’ve been staying at a friend’s place this whole weekend, snowed in with our 2 feet of snow. For some reason when I sleep in someone’s bed with them I don’t really have these “deep thoughts” that I keep mentioning/ writing about. Perhaps this is because I just talk to whoever it is I’m with until I just can’t think anymore and pass out so I don’t have time to ponder aimlessly. Or, maybe it’s that being alone triggers the feeling of lonliness and then that progresses to a more depressive thought process. I can’t be sure, but I think it’s a combinaton of the two.
Unfortunately for me, these thoughts have been moving away from just while laying in my bed before I go to sleep to in everyday conversation. Like today, my roommate was showing me a picture of her old neighbor that is absolutely covered in tattoos. I happen to have two, so it’s not that I am against them, but this girl is COVERED, like Kat Von D covered. Then I preceded to make some snide comment about how when she’s 50 and fat she won’t look as good or may not even like them. This then progressed to me thinking well maybe she won’t make it to 50. Or maybe by the time she’s 50 complete body tattooing will be a norm. Or perhaps she’ll be so healthy and/or have plastic surgery to look young still. I don’t know, but the final solution that I had was to SHUT UP CASSIE! Who am I to say anything? Who cares? It’s her body and she has to live every day like it’s her last. If getting tattoos makes her feel beautiful today then that’s all we can ask for because there’s no promise of tomorrow.
Great movie. Of course as a Psych major I’d say that. But, unfortunately for me, after watching movies like this I tend to lose sleep as they add so many possibilities to my never ending thoughts about reality, or lack thereof, or what is reality?, or how does each person perceive what is real? GAH. Gives me a headache.
As I lay here in bed staring blankly at my book I’ve come to the realization that I have yet to read one single chapter in this book that I have a test on TOMORROW. And you know what my first thought to that thought was? “Oh well.” I feel like I do not take this whole college thing as seriously as I took high school. And the only reason I ever did homework in high school was to get into a decent college (that and my mom would ground me) but being here I don’t feel like I need to work to get into graduate school. I have no idea why that is. Maybe this whole “possible depression thing” that I’m trying to figure out has to do with that. And that’s kind of what this blog is for. To write out my thoughts, compare it to others, and see if I’m just weird or there really is something wrong.
To do this I’m going to list the Web MD “symptoms of depression” and possibly self-diagnose later on.
“Emotional symptoms can include sadness, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, restlessness, and trouble concentrating or making decisions. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, lack of energy, and changes in weight or sleep patterns. Additional symptoms of depression may include vague aches and pains, irritability, anxiety, and thoughts of death or suicide.”
And what do you know: 10/ 12 sypmtoms I am positive for. Now, granted, these symptoms are very vague. Also, I’m in college (a very stressful environment) and I’m in that phase where I “am not sure what I’m going to do with my life.” Furthermore, I could just see what I want to see from this. I feel like plenty of psychology majors, professionals too, study this stuff day in and day out and can almost talk themselves into seeing something wrong with them that’s not there. Plus, now it has almost become a norm in America for every single person to be diagnosed with SOMETHING. We all think we’re crazy, perhaps we are. So which one is it for me?
Okay, here it goes.
I spoke with my sister about this a while ago and the thought just reappeared in my mind. Everything in this world has an opposite: black and white, stop and go, up and down, fast and slow, etc. So, what about space? Yeah: space, matter, mass whatever you want to call it. What’s the opposite of that? I guess the closest thing that is semi-observable would be something like a black hole. But, I mean here on earth. Is there an opposite to the space around us. Of course we couldn’t see it, measure it, or even comprehend it. Which makes my question unanswerable. But I have a theory (which I’m once again contradicting myself as I’m answering my unanswerable question) that is based on pure speculation and hours of thinking about this thing that probably doesn’t even exist nor can be proven. It’s called “non-space;” or anti-matter, anti-space, whatever, I like non-space the best. It’s my thought so I can name it whatever I please. Non-space is where all those lost socks, bobby pins, pens, pencils, coins, etc. go when you can not find them (no, not to some lost room like in Halloweentown - yes I just referenced Halloweentown). It’s kind of like little “black hole-ish things” that float around in our space but don’t take up any space because they are anti-space. This anti-space is infinitely large so it can suck up any and everything. There has to be one in the Bermuda Triangle - duh! - and of course in my room, because I’m missing an incredible amount of bobby pins and hair-ties. But, they don’t have to be stationary; in fact, I imagine they are not stationary at all. And I don’t know how they are created. We all know the saying “matter can neither be created nor destroyed.” Well, obviously non-space (anti-matter) can do both! Why? Because it’s the complete opposite! What about interaction? Could there be an interaction between non-space and space? Could they co-exist and not interact? All questions I haven’t the slightest answer to. If you have any thought on the topic, would like to make fun of me, want to chat about non-space, or just want to laugh at me - let me know!
Phew. Sorry, a lot to take in for a “first thought.” Night. I’ll be up for a while pondering non-space.
Apparently having a blog is the “cool, new thing to do.” So, of course I have to jump right on this bandwagon and ride this wave out. Well, that’s not the whole reason. Although seeing all my friends on facebook adding acounts did help, I was semi-inspired by another source. Unfortunately, the media influences me more than I’d like to admit (wait, I’m admitting it now, so is that a contradiction?) and whilst watching the movie Julie & Julia I had an epiphany that I could write a blog as my own kind of project, just like Julie did, sort of my own “self-help” if you will. Many psychologists say that keeping a diary or journal is very beneficial as it releases those thoughts, emotions, and ideas that you have locked up in your mind. But I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to just help myself so I’m going to share my thoughts with the internet world and hopefully help someone else out there, even if it’s just one person.
I know right now I’m starting to sound narcissitic thinking, “oh my thoughts are so awe-inspiring and I can help people with a mere blog.” HA. No, no, no. That’s not it at all (sort of). BUT if while sharing my crazy, racing thoughts will help people see that this kind of stuff happens to plenty of people then YAY. If not, then oh well, I guess you’ll just read this (or not) for entertainment’s sake.
More to come soon, possibly tonight while I’m lying in bed thinking about anything and everything.
